There are so many layers to this journey of re-becoming an artist for me. There were many layers to heal. The layer where I wasn’t supported and was re-directed to focus all of my energies into other things. The layer where I gave up on my own dream (and by extension myself) and decided it wasn’t worth pursuing. The part where I didn’t think I was talented enough to pursue something I loved, and that I didn’t trust myself to follow my own path or intuition or guidance, and put more trust in other people’s opinions than my own experiences.
My dream of becoming an artist died years before I had ever gone to an arts festival. I loved going to arts festivals, meeting artists, seeing all of the creative things people came up with. But I never ever saw myself as an artist with my own creative pieces to sell. So when a year-and-a-half into my art journey a friend and mentor started encouraging me to apply to arts festivals, it was a whole new level of healing that had to occur. I have a business mentor who always says “start before you are ready”. I certainly did not feel ready! Far from it!
But I started the process. I figured out how to apply to a few local arts festivals. I started in January, and there were some festivals whose deadlines had passed the previous fall, but there were quite a few that I could still apply to. I had to work through all of the requirements. The photos of my pieces were easy, and most of the application questions were doable, but you also had to submit a photo of your tent all set up. That was a more daunting task.
I bought a cheap white pop-up tent at Wal-Mart (which I have never used since because it isn’t robust enough for a weekend arts festival…lesson learned…), and I borrowed some mesh walls from a friend of a friend who does a few arts festivals a year, set it up in the back yard, filled it with every canvas I had that had paint on it…most of my pieces were finished, but a few were not. It was amazing to me how much inventory you had to have to fill a 10×10 tent! And it was a great dress rehearsal for what was needed.
I was shocked in a way that I got into most of the festivals I applied to. And with each acceptance, my confidence grew. In a way I figured I would at least get into a few, because I was being guided to apply. To take this next step. To trust that it was time. But I was quite surprised that I got into all but two that I applied to that first year.
I had about a month between the acceptances and my first show. That was when the rubber met the road. Now I had to figure out all of the logistics. I had to get a real tent – to invest in a more expensive professional tent that takes more time to put together or a cheaper pop-up tent (albeit a sturdier and more expensive one than the one I had purchased to take my initial tent setup photos) that all of the festival veterans told horror stories about? What kind of walls to get? What other decorations, tables, chairs, weights, etc. to invest in? Did I have enough paintings? I did reconnaissance at the first arts festival of the season near me – I went and met other artists, looked at their setups, asked lots of questions.
The day before my first festival I set up the new more challenging tent in my backyard. It took 8 hours to get it all setup to make sure I knew how to do it when I got there the next day. From the poles to the walls to the decorations to the art work. It was an overwhelming, tiring, and very physical process. And once I had gotten it all up, I had to break it down and pack everything in my car! I would definitely encourage others to do this activity well before the day before a first festival!
The day arrives and I show up, an hour before we were told that setup began. I just wanted to be there, to not feel rushed or pressured. And the festival promoter, whom I appreciated so much at that first festival and at each subsequent festival of his that I’ve shown at, told me to pick my own spot. I burst into tears. I had absolutely no idea how to pick a good spot! I didn’t know what I was doing! That’s when the festival promoter took pity on me and took me under his wing. He was so patient with me (although I’m sure he thought I was a mess, he thankfully didn’t treat me like an idiot!), and gave me tips throughout the weekend. It only took me about 4.5 hours to set up that day…so it was an improvement.
The next morning the mechanics of the setup behind me, the floodgates opened. All of the anxiety, the build-up, the emotional part of this huge next step hit me. I cried the whole way there. It was just a massive emotional release. What I was doing was huge, and while I had worked through all of the intellectual details, the process, the mechanics of getting myself there, I now got to experience the emotional weight of the step I was taking. To realize a dream that I didn’t even allow myself to have – ever. And here I was putting my work out into the world, out into the open, showing it to the public, awaiting a response.
It was a huge step into the unknown for me. Fortunately, I had done a LOT of work around not tying my value or my worthiness to other people’s opinions, so that helped. I wasn’t one of those artists who would crumble or be crushed if someone in passing made an unkind comment. I didn’t need for everyone to love my work. I trusted that there would be people who would resonate with what I had created, and those were the only people whose opinions mattered to me. If people walked by my tent, it meant I could conserve my energy for those who were interested and not have to talk to every single person at the festival. The people who came into my tent self-selected resonance with me and my art.
That first weekend wasn’t about making sales for me. I made a few small ones, not much to write home about, but that first weekend was about showing up. About getting myself there. About doing my work and putting my art out there on display for other people to see. It was a monumental step in my journey. With that first sale, I was now a professional artist, something I never thought would be possible for me. I had come back to myself, shown up for myself, followed my own inner guidance. And that was huge!
What have you done that was hard and an amazing step forward in your healing journey to reconnect to once-lost dreams? Would love to hear about it in the comments!